Nailpolish
by arushi
Summary: Wolfram goes on a top secret mission, but in a different form, and under a codename, in the hope that Yuri may fall for him and love him forever. Stupid things happen, and Yuri is as confused as ever. R and R.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N- I don't really watch this anime (but I know the general story), so forgive me for any spelling mistakes, and gender confusions etc. My sister bet I couldn't write something on this, so here I am, to prove her wrong. Please review.**_

_**Scene- Earth, Yuri's classroom**_

Now he could look at girls without Wolfram taking his big, pointy and extremely ugly sword out and threatening to kill him. He wanted to bask in the freedom. Girls, girls, pretty girls walking around everywhere, which wasn't a common sight in the other world where the few girls that existed were either very violent, seemed to be attracted towards Wolfram, or happened to be his daughter.

Unfortunately enough, the girls in Yuri's class didn't seem to like him. He could never figure out the reason for his unpopularity among them. Maybe he should have dyed his hair blond, like Murata did. Hmm…

He scratched his head, wondering what he should do. _It is only some time, _he told himself, _and_ _then you shall have to meet Wolfram again._

He walked up to a girl in a very short skirt who was sitting right in front of the classroom.

'Hello,' he said. He wasn't usually a flirt, but now since he had no opportunities to do so, he would not skip the chance when it presented itself in front of him, with no dangers attached.

'What?' snapped the girl, barely looking at him.

'Um, uh,' Yuri stammered, 'um, argh, hi, um.'

'Stop bugging me and go sit down!' said the girl rudely, 'I have better things to do.' And she started painting her nails.

Yuri sat down, his feelings hurt. He wished the class would start so that he could study to get his mind of things, especially scary things like Wolfram in a nightdress. Yuri shuddered at the very thought. Why was the only person who liked him a gender confused army officer who thought him a wimp? Maybe if he didn't wear that nightgown, he would be slightly likable. And maybe if he was a girl. And maybe if he didn't think that his fiancé was a wimp.

_**Scene - Alternate Universe**_

On the other side of the universe, Wolfram sat on a horse. The horse wanted to cry; Wolfram's tight pants were itchy. And Wolfram never fed him sugar cubes.

_Sugar cubes,_ thought the horse_, are so yummy. _He wanted to neigh very loudly but he knew that the stupid blond boy on top of him would not permit it.

'That Yuri is probably cheating on me right now,' Wolfram told his horse. The horse had been told the same things an endless number of times, and could not care any about the fact that 'the wimp is a cheater!' upon being told so once again.

'He is probably drooling over the girl in his class who likes to paint her nails,' Wolfram continued, 'I saw her name written in his notebook, and I asked his friend the stupid sage what that name meant. Do you know what he said?'

If his reigns had allowed it, the horse would have shaken his head, because, truly, he did not know what the sage had said. He did not even know the meaning of the word 'sage'.

'He said that means that Yuri likes her. He said she paints her nails all the time, "she does it five times a day", he said. He also said that she's very pretty.'

The horse pondered over what it would be like to paint nails. He had only hooves, and he knew that humans/demons had nails instead of them, and that they also sometimes painted them for god knows what reason. He was an intelligent horse and knew a lot of things.

'Some people think I'm pretty,' said Wolfram, as if that "fact" was reason enough for Yuri to like him.

_I saw a pretty girl horsie the other day, _said the horse, _do you think she may want to marry me? _Unfortunately, Wolfram couldn't understand the horse's language.

'I shall ask Anissina what to do,' Wolfram decided. The horse grumbled. He would have to walk all the way back to the castle now. And Wolfram was supposed to be on duty, was this what everyone's taxes went to? And whatever happened to democracy? The right to vote for all!

The horse shook his head. What did he care? The right to vote was not going to be given to him even if The Demon Kingdom did turn into a democracy.

Wolfram rode back to the castle.

'Anissina!' he screamed.

Anissina appeared out of nowhere and hit him on the head with a baseball bat.

'Why?' sobbed Wolfram, clutching his head, out of which a lump was emerging at a very quick rate.

'I saw this in your room and I wondered what its purpose was,' said the red/pink haired woman, something not very common, 'Now I know.'

'It is not used for hitting people!' Wolfram cried in pain, and in vain, 'it is used to play some stupid game.'

'I am sure His Majesty uses this for defence purposes,' said Anissina confidently, 'I do not think he believes in violence.'

'He believes in hitting and catching balls,' grumbled Wolfram, 'and in flirting with girls, which is why I came for your advice.'

This shocked Anissina, and her hair turned redder and redder. Advice? Her? Was the boy out of his mind? No one came to her for advice. No one. She was nuts. She was crazy. None of her inventions ever worked. She hadn't had a single boyfriend in her life. Why would Wolfram want _her _advice?

Her face hardened, 'I am very busy. I have to make your brother exercise. He's getting fat.'

'He is not,' protested Wolfram, 'he is so skinny. No one is fat. Name ONE fat person you know.'

'Your brother,' lied Anissina.

'Why won't you help me? This is probably the first and last time someone is asking for your help! People usually ask the king, but I can't do that, now can I?'

'I thought you two were engaged.'

'Which is why I cannot ask him.'

'Ahhh,' said Anissina, 'are you worried he doesn't like you? Then I have just the thing for you.'

_**Scene – Earth, Yuri's classroom**_

If all he could do was stammer, how was he going to ask any girl out?

Class was over, and Yuri hadn't understood a single math sum. The girl was about to leave the classroom. He knew so because she had already tucked her wide assortment of nail polish neatly into her bag. She used to keep her nail polish in display everywhere she went, even in the classroom, in order to give other girls a fair chance to be jealous. No one in the world had such a wide variety, but she had it all - three hundred and forty-six different colours and brands (though she only carried about twenty to thirty to school, depending upon her mood). She had colours ranging from flawless white to bright pink, light pink, dark pink, baby pink, shocking pink etc. to royal blue to perky purple to midnight black.

Today she wore a combination of pink (which shade, we may never know, for they all looked the same to Yuri) and yellow.

Yuri plucked up all the courage he could gather and walked up to her, 'Hi, I'm Yuri.'

The girl ignored him.

'That's a really nice colour there. Yellow and pink, great choice,' he lied. He was lying because he could not honestly say that the combination was a nice one. It reminded him of Wolfram's blond hair clashing horribly with his choice of clothes.

The girl looked at him, but did not say anything. Neither did her expression reveal how she felt, because they were completely blank.

Yuri hesitated for a moment, and then said, 'blue looks better though.'

'With pink?' asked the girl. Her disgust was obvious now.

'No, no,' said Yuri quickly, 'with yellow.' He paused to imagine Wolfram in blue hair.

Her face relaxed. 'Thank god,' she said, 'I thought with pink.'

Yuri wondered where the conversation was leading to. Somewhere not very nice, he imagined, since he had no colour or fashion sense whatsoever. The girl would think he was a complete idiot after she found out that he actually _did _like the idea of blue and pink together (though not necessarily on Wolfram).

'Your name's Yuri, right?' said the girl.

Yuri nodded in his characteristic and very pathetic fashion.

'It's a nice name,' said the girl.

'Oh, oh, right,' said Yuri, 'thank you.' he tried to calm himself down. Sweat was falling off his forehead, and was all over his hands and in other places I do not wish to mention. He hoped the girl would not notice.

'What other colours do you like?' the girl asked him, 'I think we have a lot in common. Blue and yellow, I was so thinking that when you mentioned it.'

Yuri was happy that the girl was friendlier, but had no idea for a smart, witty, or at the very least, sensible reply.

'Ah,' said Yuri, 'ah, um.' He wished he could sound wise like his friend Murata.

'Go on,' said the girl, who was slowly losing interest.

'My names Yuri,' said Yuri.

'Yes, you told me that,' said the girl. She flung her bag pack over her shoulder and left.

The sweat quickly evaporated and Yuri suddenly felt very cold. He wished he had a nice sweater or something.

_**Scene – Alternate Universe, Anissina's lab**_

'I am _not _going in front of Yuri like this,' growled Wolfram.

'My invention is pure genius, as usual,' sighed Anissina.

'You potion was supposed to make that wimp like me!' screeched Wolfram, 'he loved me the way I was, not like this.'

'You were the one who said he didn't like you,' said Anissina, 'your fault.'

'But I look like a girl!' sobbed Wolfram.

'You _are _a girl,' said Anissina, 'thanks to Gunter's powerful cycling.'

'Why would he need to cycle to get a potion to work?' said Wolfram, 'and look at me. I'm…short. And fat.'

'You're not fat,' said Anissina.

'I'M FAT!' cried Wolfram, and burst into sad tears 'no, no, no!'

'You're barely an inch fatter than what you used to be,' said Gunter, who was out of breath, 'it's probably just a girl thing. If I were fortunate enough to be engaged to his majesty, I would sacrifice all I had in order to please him, something you don't seem to want to do.' Then, out of the blue, Gunter started to scream nonsense in a very pitiable way as stupid background music burst out of nowhere.

Wolfram shook his head, decided to ignore Gunter, and continued, 'and my voice is all squeaky.'

'So is mine,' said Anissina.

'Why, why?' said Wolfram, 'all my life I have been forced to dress like a girl, and now I am one.'

'And the cream on the cake is,' said Anissina, 'that it will only last till midnight. Just like it does in fairy tales.'

'Then Yuri shall have no chance to see me!' said Wolfram happily, 'I'm saved.'

'He shan't see you, but you shall go see him. Prove that my invention does work, and go to his world through the lake.'

_**Scene – Yuri's home**_

'Has another girl rejected you?' said Yuri's mother sadly. She then announced proudly that her name was Jennifer.

'I know your name,' said Yuri.

Miko shook her head and wondered why both her sons weren't girls.

_**Scene – Alternate Universe, in front of a lake**_

Wolfram studied her reflection in the lake. She wasn't all that fat. And how on earth had her hair grown that fast? And why did it look like it had not been combed in years?

'I shan't let Yuri see me,' she announced, to no one in particular, 'but I shall use this opportunity to spy on Yuri. That wimp probably has someone else in that world…and soon, I shall know the truth.'

She paused. Then she said, 'let me go, oh lake! Let me pass to the other world!'

'I only open for the Maou,' the lake replied.

'I'm his fiancé,' said Wolfram snootily.

'I heard you plotting against him,' said the lake accusingly.

'I shall complain about your services to my Yuri,' said Wolfram, 'then you shall see.'

'I heard you plotting against him,' the lake repeated.

'How come you can talk?' said Wolfram, 'you're a lake.'

'Since you talked to me, I talked back. Now go away.'

'Let me go, cruel lake, let me go. It is for the Maou's benefit that I am doing this, I assure you. He shall be very pleased you let me go. He shall reward you richly.'

The lake shrugged (in its mind, that is, for lakes cannot openly shrug. Shrugging openly requires infinite patience and years and years of practice, struggle, and suffering which was something the lake was not prepared for. Hence, it shrugged only in its mind, which did not have the benefit of shrugging openly; Wolfram did not notice any movement in the lake, which made point of shrugging completely useless.), 'fine. But only this once. And under one condition.'

'Which is?'

'You must say "please",' said the lake.

'Alright, please,' said Wolfram.

'I didn't hear you,' said the lake teasingly.

'Shut up and let me go!' said Wolfram. She jumped into the lake and was gone.

**_A/N - If you want me to update, review, because I can't write without encourangment. And please dotell me what you thought of this, whether your remarks are good or bad, and I shall love you forever. See the button down there, press it._**


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N – I can't honestly say I expected any nice reviews for this. Do forgive me for referring to Wolfram as "she". It sounded weird when I reread this chapter, but I'm too lazy to make any changes. And to be honest, I did think Wolfram was a tomboyish girl when I first saw this anime. And since I don't really watch or understand anime (and hence may have written really weird stuff) bear with me, and review this.**_

_**I want to thank the two people who did bother to review (which is something that must given to even the most horrible of fan fiction). I got two reviews for 155 hits.**_

_**To **__**Ashton-Lee.C,**_ _**thanks for your review, I'll check my old chapter for grammatical errors, and I did read my profile again, and you were right, it does sound a little obnoxious. I don't really hate Harry and Draco as a couple (and I thought they were cute when I thought Draco was going to die after book six), I just hate fan fiction that has nothing more than those two making out (and most of them have that), **__**but I've changed my profile a bit. I do want people to like me.**_

_**To princess od doctors, Thank you ! You rule! Wolfram's not fat, and what does 'ganbatte ne' mean? **_

_**Look at me going on and on in an author's note no one will ever read. Read the actual story now - .**_

She wasn't gone for long though, because she ended up in Yuri's bathtub, which was mercifully empty and had very little water. She quickly dried herself with a towel hanging on the door and looked at a clock.

_Why would anyone hang a clock in the bathroom? _she wondered, but was grateful for it, since it told her that the time was five minutes past three.

She smiled evilly. _Yuri must be at baseball practice. I can spy on him there. _

She opened the window and jumped out of it. She would've stopped to say hello to her fiancé's mother, but her time limit would not permit it. She had only till midnight.

The street was full of people, all of whom stopped to stare at her. A foreigner wasn't a very common sight in their city. Especially one in a navy blue army uniform.

'Hmph,' said Wolfram, taking out Anissina's invention that helped people understand different languages, and inserting them into her ears.

'Excuse me,' she said to a passing girl with an air of authority, 'where do people practice baseball?'

'On the ground,' said the girl, 'I'm going in that direction too…you speak Japanese?'

'What my fiancé does, I do,' said Wolfram proudly.

'Aren't you a little young for that? You must be what? Fifteen? Sixteen?'

'Eighty-two,' said Wolfram. She might've been eighty-four, but a true woman never reveals her age, and Wolfram wanted to play her part as a woman well.

'Oh, right,' said the girl with raised eyebrows, 'you here to visit your fiancé?'

'You could say that.'

'On the baseball ground?'

'He still acts like a child. What's that on your nails? Yellow and blue?'

'I think it looks nice,' said the girl, 'it matches your hair and weird...um…weird, I mean, different outfit. Are you an army officer? Even though you're a girl?'

'Obviously.'

'Which country?' asked the girl, who was obviously interested.

'I am on a top secret mission,' explained Wolfram, 'and I cannot give myself up.'

This made the girl happy. Apart from nail polish, she had a second love- secret missions.

'What is it about?' she asked excitedly, 'I can help you.'

'I am afraid I must work alone,' said Wolfram importantly.

'No, no,' said the girl, 'I'm very good at secret missions.'.

'I have had years of practice,' bragged Wolfram, 'unlike you. You're a stupid teenager.'

'You look like one yourself,' said the girl angrily.

'I told you, I'm eighty-two.'

'Where are your wrinkles then? Plastic surgery?'

'Yes,' said Wolfram, who had no idea what plastic surgery was.

'That explains a lot,' said the girl, 'but you still walk and talk and act like a kid.'

'I am a child at heart,' said Wolfram, which was, indeed, true.

'I would have been angry at you for your rudeness,' said the girl, 'but I am not. You are a foreigner and a guest. In addition to that, I must show you my brand new nail colour. Do you want to try it?'

Wolfram made a face that cannot be described in words. But I shall try, her eyes were as big as eyes get, her hair stood on its ends, lines appeared out of nowhere and highlighted all the sharp features of her face and made her look rather ugly.

She continued making that face for five minutes and then said, 'okay.'

So a nail painting session started. Soon Wolfram's nails were a very beautiful shade of lilac.

'I do not usually share my nail polish,' said the girl, 'but you are a guest.' She also wanted to be involved in the secret mission, but did not voice her thoughts aloud a second time. The girl paused for a full five minutes and sighed.

'They don't match your clothes,' she said sadly, 'we cannot let your fiancé see you like this.'

Wolfram was forced to agree, even though she had no intention of letting Yuri see her.

'Do you have money? I could take you shopping?' said the girl, 'I mean, you make a salary, right? Being an army officer and all?'

'Yes, yes,' said Wolfram. She had lots of money. The lake had happily converted her currency into Yen.

'Oh goody!' said the girl.

'I can't count it though.'

'I'll do that.'

They shopped for two hours. Wolfram was soon wearing a matching top (matching her nails, that is), and a short denim-skirt. Her stilettos added two more inches to her short figure. She looked absolutely hideous. But the nail-girl thought otherwise.

'You are so cute!' she assured Wolfram, 'I am sure your fiancé will be head over heels for you!'

'I doubt it,' said Wolfram.

'What's your name?' asked the girl. It was a bit late to be asking, but, as they say, better late then never.

'I am on a secret mission,' Wolfram reminded her, 'and cannot leak such important details.'

'But I helped you so much! I shopped with you for two hours.'

Wolfram realized the value of her help. Yuri would have probably recognized the blue uniform with the puffy sleeves and collars. She had to thank her somehow. And what better way than to make her do her (Wolfram's) work?

'Fine,' said Wolfram, 'the target is about to leave the baseball field. It's about seven. Our mission is to spy on him and note his activities. Our time is limited, we have only till midnight. Your codename shall be Sheep208 and mine shall be Wolf901.'

The girl nodded, 'yes ma'am.'

'Now let's get back to the field as quickly as possible,' ordered Wolfram.

The girl started running alongside Wolfram. Wolfram ran fast, even in her brand new clothes and high heeled shoes.

They reached the field in less than five minutes.

'Why...do…we…have…only…till…midnight?' gasped Sheep208. She was completely out of breath and was clutching a stitch.

'There shall be time for explanations later,' said Wolfram, or as we shall refer to her now, Wolf 901.

They watched the field for two minutes.

'We are looking for a double black here,' Wolf 901 said.

'Okay,' said the girl. She had no idea what was meant by the term Wolf901 had just used, but did not say so in fear of being thought stupid.

'Ah,' Wolf901 finally said, 'there he is. Our target. That wimp over there!'

'Where?'

Wolf901 pointed.

'Why would you want to spy on Shibuya, or Yuri, or whatever his name is?' asked Sheep208.

'Explanations later,' repeated Wolf901. She conjured a notebook and a quill out of nowhere and started scribbling furiously, muttering under her breadth, '_Hitting ball with bat, running, falling, crying…'_

As she wrote, Yuri's cry of pain could be heard.

'Quick, Sheep208, tell me what he's doing…_claims to have hurt self, standing up, now saying it was nothing. Being made to sit down. Looks very sad. Looks aside to me and Sheep208, looks confused, smiles, looks confused, looks away. Looks again, waves. _No, no, Sheep208, don't wave back…he'll see we're here.'

'He's already seen us,' said Sheep208, 'that's why he waved. We're staring very obviously, boss, I think he has noticed.'

'_Starts coming outside…_Quick, Sheep! Hide me!' cried Wolf901.

Sheep208 stood defensively in front of her leader.

Yuri stepped out of the field.

'You came by to say hello?' he said to Sheep208, looking hopeful and turning brick red.

Behind her, Wolf901 continued writing, '_flirting with cute girl. Shall earn sixty slashes with my pointiest sword for this.'_

'No, um, yes,' said the girl.

'Who's your friend?' asked Yuri. Sheep208 had been hiding Wolf901 very badly.

'She's a foreigner,' explained Sheep208, 'and is very shy. She has no interest in speaking to you, and neither do I.'

'Then why did you drop by to say "hello"?' said Yuri, the happiness radiating out of his face was quickly disappearing.

'Um, uh, I changed my nail colour,' said Sheep208, 'I wanted to ask you how it looked.'

'Since they are your nails, I'm sure they'll look really pretty,' said Yuri. It was a very stupid line and he knew it. But he had no better ideas.

'AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!' shrieked Wolf901.

Sheep208 turned around to look at her boss, who was very red. Smoke was emerging from her ears, which was only possible because she was both very angry and a cartoon.

'Hello,' said Yuri. And so daft was he, that he did not recognize his own fiancé.

'Hmph,' replied Wolf901.

'Really nice colour,' Yuri told Sheep208, 'but I think I'll go home now.'

'You didn't notice my nails,' growled Wolf901 angrily.

'I didn't know you knew Japanese,' Yuri explained.

'So you thought you'd go drool over someone else's nails?' said Wolf901.

'No, no,' Yuri tried to explain himself, 'I, um, I wasn't drooling. I was giving her a compliment, you know, to be polite.'

Wolf901 wasn't exactly super-intelligent either, and believed wholeheartedly that Yuri recognized her.

'For so many years I have borne your pitiful excuses,' said Wolf901, 'and they kill me each time, for I know each one is a lie.' She then gave a lengthy speech on Yuri's cruel and wimpy nature.

But Yuri wasn't listening; he had started towards home a whole three minutes ago.

After the speech was over, she yelled, 'Why didn't you tell me he had gone? We must follow him!'

And that was what they did. Yuri walked stupidly and pathetically, tripping over the smallest of rocks and bumping against the largest of walls which even a blind man could sense. He bumped into about ten people, out of which nine were girls, out of which four yelled at him with all their hearts, out of which three went to the extent of slapping him really hard across the face. Wolf901 noted all of this in her notebook and kicked each of the girls really hard and reduced them to tears. She would save Yuri's kicking for later.

'What was that for?' asked Sheep208.

'They slapped our target!' shrieked Wolf901, 'and on the left cheek at that!

'Good enough,' said Sheep208, who did not understand the significance of the crime, 'oh, look, he's stopping to buy ice-cream.'

'What's ice-cream?'

'Uh, it's made of ice and cream, and it tastes nice, and it's really cold.'

'Why would he eat something cold, the temperature out here is freezing?' Wolf901 asked, suddenly wishing she was wearing something more than what she was presently wearing, 'he'll get a sore throat and I'll get his stupid germs.' Wolf901 had no idea what germs were, since in the medieval era that she lived in, magic and not medicines were used to cure illness, or sometimes people just died and no one pondered over the reasons. He (since when that had happened, "he" was a boy) had heard about germs from Yuri, and had liked the idea. It was preposterous one, of course, and yet so many humans believed in it. Germs and doctors. _How silly!_

'He doesn't even have a sore throat yet,' said Sheep208, 'oh, he's eating chocolate flavour, note that down, I'm sure this point may turn out to be important.'

Wolf901 doubted it, but noted the word "chocolate" in her notebook anyway.

'He's talking to the girl who gave him the ice cream,' said Wolf901 shocked, 'and now he's giving her money!'

'That's because he's paying for it,' explained Sheep208, 'it means he's not stealing. Should we note that down?'

'No, no,' said Wolf908, 'I didn't expect him to steal, let's go listen to what they're saying.'

Sheep208 sighed. She could not deny that she liked secret missions, but this was extremely boring. She was spying on a classmate she didn't even like. And on top of that, her codename sucked. They walked towards Yuri.

'Thank you, sir,' the vendor-girl was saying.

'Ah, that's okay,' said Yuri.

'You stop eating that ice cream!' said Wolf901 all of a sudden.

'I thought we were supposed to be undercover!' hissed Sheep208, but neither Yuri nor Wolfram paid her any heed.

Yuri made his characteristic stupid face, then made his characteristic shocked face, and finally yelled at the top of his voice, 'but why? Is it poisoned? Oh no, someone's trying to assassinate me! I have a daughter! Please whoever is trying to kill me, stop! Why? Is this because it's poisoned? Tell me, oh blond girl!'

'No,' replied Wolf901 curtly, 'because it's cold. Yuri, I come from a faraway land, and yet you ignore me and walk away.'

'Where do you come from?' asked Yuri.

'Don't mess around,' said Wolfram, 'and give me your ice cream. Sheep208!'

Sheep208 stepped out of a think bush she could not remember getting into, 'yes, ma'am?'

'Check this for poison,' said Wolf901, who was now worried about poison since her fiancé had mentioned it.

'No!' replied Sheep208 in disgust.

'Fine, I shall do so by myself,' said Wolf901. She then placed her palm over her heart, put her head down, and said in a very dramatic voice (the one that she saved for only very special occasions, 'I shall die in the name of love!'

Yuri shrugged and handed over his ice cream. Wolf901 tasted it, liked it, and had the entire thing under her throat in less than ten seconds.

'Hey!' said Yuri, 'that was my ice cream! You stole it in pretence that it was poisoned for your own personal greed. JUSTICE! Punishment awaits you!'

Wolf901 yawned very widely and obviously.

'I mean, I hope you enjoyed my ice cream, miss,' said Yuri. Wolf901 had very pointy canines and looked like a vampire, or maybe it was just Yuri's imagination.

'It was a pleasure to give you my day's pocket money,' Yuri added, trying not to sound sarcastic. The attempt did not work too well.

'Oh, did I eat all of your money?' asked Wolf901.

Yuri nodded, 'and I was hungry.'

'Fine, I shall buy you TEN ice creams.'

And that was exactly what she did. Though she ate seven of the ice creams herself, leaving two for Yuri, and one for Sheep208 (who was on a diet), she felt rather satisfied of a job well done.

'Thank you,' said Yuri, watching as Wolf901 wolfed down her ice cream hungrily, 'you are very kind. And you have a very good appetite.'

'Hmph,' replied Wolf901.

'May I also add that you are very pretty,' said Yuri.

'I know that,' said Wolf901, 'I get that all the time.' She continued eating her ice cream.

Yuri wanted to say something intelligent. The blond girl probably thought he was an idiot. And she had really nice nails, and really nice clothes, and really nice shoes. They looked like they had cost a lot of money, which was rather unfortunate, since they now had liquid ice cream all over them.

_She must be really rich to be ruining such nice clothes, _thought Yuri. He also thought she had nice hair, but he thought more of the ruined clothes. It saddened him to look at them.

He thought of many other stupid things. He would have tried to flirt with her if she hadn't the other nail polish girl next to her. It didn't really matter though; he wouldn't have managed to flirt with anyone even if he had tried. He would have probably received another slap across his face, which already was red with pain. He then thought a little more about the clothes. A minute later, he grew terribly worried, and was on the verge of tears. _What if they don't get cleaned up, and don't come out of the washing machine all clean, and spotless, and shiny, like they're supposed to? _he thought. Though he hated to admit it, there was nothing he loved more than nice, clean clothes. And those clothes were brand new! He could tell they were new because ever since he had become the demon king, he had been gifted with a sixth sense that told him the age of various things, like, for instance, clothes. He could also sense the price tags behind various items too, like, once again, for instance clothes. This sense did him more harm than good.

'Excuse me?' asked Sheep208, 'but is that a tear in your eye?'

Yuri shook his head, 'no.'

'Are you about to cry?'

Yuri shook his head again, but it was all a lie. Wasted money!

Yuri swallowed a lump in his throat and said, 'will that wash away?' he tried to wipe his eyes without the other two noticing. Once again, he looked like nothing more than an idiot in front of pretty girls.

'What?' asked Sheep208, 'The army officer's clothes?'

'This is a secret mission!' hissed Wolf90, though, from her point of view, it didn't really matter. She thought Yuri recognized her. But she didn't want her subordinate to realize the actual unimportance of the "mission".

'Sorry boss,' said Sheep208. She then turned to Yuri, 'obviously it will wash away, its ice cream, not dye. Didn't your mother teach you anything?'

Yuri's mother had taught him a lot of things, but all those things excluded the science of washing clothes. She had always used a washing machine, and knew that Yuri would also use one when he grew up, and then, he would, out of experience, learn what could be washed, and what couldn't be. Ketchup could be washed, but mango stains…dear, oh, dear…

'Oh, so it will be okay?' said Yuri, feeling stupider by the minute.

Sheep208 nodded.

'You mustn't insult his mother!' cried Wolf901, 'his mother is very nice.' Wolf901 spoke these words because she knew exactly what Yuri did to people who insulted his mother; he proposed marriage to them. She also rather liked Yuri's mother. She made really yummy food.

Sheep208 said, 'I did not insult his mother.'

'You said she didn't teach him anything,' said Wolf901 angrily, 'apologize!'

'I am not going to apologize,' protested Sheep208, 'I didn't do anything.'

'You don't need to,' said Yuri, 'its okay.'

'FLIRT!' shrieked Wolf901, 'I have borne this all, behind my back for so long, but now, right in front of me, you say its okay for another girl to insult your mother, and you SMILE at her! This is an unforgivable act. If you refuse to do so, I shall beat her up for you.'

'No, no,' said Yuri, 'I can't beat up a girl, but if you really want to…I suppose I can't stop you.'

'Can't beat up a girl, can you?' laughed Wolf901.

Yuri shook his head.

'That's because you'll lose, and you know it, you pathetic wimp.'

Yuri wondered why those words sounded familiar. He thought for a whole five minutes, and then decided that it was simply his imagination that made these words sound like he had heard them before. Though he was gifted with various kinds of sixth senses, he was not gifted with very basic things, like for instance, intelligence, common sense, and the ability to add two fractional numbers together (this explained his marks in Math).

'Wimp, I may be,' said Yuri, 'but I shall not lose to a girl, because I shall not fight her, because beating up girls is very very wrong. It goes against my principle of extreme justice.'

'Well, I'll be keeping an eye on you,' said Wolf901 angrily.

'What?' said Yuri. He did not ponder too much on why the weird foreigner was going to be keeping an eye on him. He assumed it was because weird things happened only to him, for reasons he could not comprehend, because it was against the will of the one who decides what happens to whom.

He hung his head in a very defeated way and headed towards home.

_**A/N – Please review. For the sake of humanity. It won't take more than a minute. Even if it is to tell me you hated this, review! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! I know my chapter sort of sucked, but that doesn't mean you forget to be nice.**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N – Thanks to those who reviewed. Oh, and you must read my sister, LostForWord07's story, if you haven't already, that is. Its pretty cool, since my sister actually watches this show and manages to understand it. And it has pairings and pretty descriptions, which is something you won't find here. I write to make people laugh (though that, apparently, does not attract reviews) so you'd better laugh at all of this and tell me you did so. I've seen the ratio of reviews to number of hits, and its tiny. I hope you're feeling guilty. This fanfic may suck, and it's probably my worst ever, since I don't watch this show, but have a heart. **_

_**To princess of doctors – Thanks for reviewing. I haven't seen much of this anime, and am completely unaware of Wolfram's soft side. I saw him mishandling a soldier once, and have formed a very violent image of him in my head. Sadly enough, I don't understand Japanese, though I did stay in Japan for two years. I doubt I'll be showing any soft side.**_

_**To Ashton-Lee.C – Thanks for thinking I'm nice. Review this chapter too! **_

_**I might rename this story sometime, so don't get confused. But for now, read on.**_

'I have only till midnight!' sighed Wolf901, 'it is only between now and then that Yuri can fall for me and love me forever.'

'What?' asked Sheep208.

'It is only in this form that he may like me,' explained Wolf901, 'Anissina said so, and Anissina is always right. She has to be, for she has red hair. I must hence use this opportunity to the fullest - ,'

'You mean _he's _your fiancé?' asked Sheep208, who looked like her entire body had been filled to the brim with disgust to the extent that the disgust was about to topple off and dirty her hair. But disgust is not a physical quantity (in terms of physics). It cannot be measured and hence cannot do things like toppling off and dirtying a poor girl's hair.

'Yes – oh no! Is that why you are surprised? He has someone else here, doesn't he? Give me her name!'

'But you're eighty-two,' protested Sheep208.

'Love knows no boundaries,' said Wolf901.

'You've been lying to me all this while!' said Sheep208 angrily, 'you said he was a suspect we were spying on! You said this was a top secret mission!'

'I also said I was here to meet my fiancé,' said Wolf901.

'You can't be engaged to him,' said Sheep208, 'he's a kid, and no girl at school even likes him. Why do you?'

Wolf901 couldn't think of an adequate reason. She finally said, 'You cannot reason behind love,' after giving the matter a lot of thought.

'I still feel cheated,' said Sheep208, 'I made you look so pretty, and for what?'

'So that Yuri may think I'm cute and love me for all eternity?'

'He would fall for you even without my nail polish on your nails. He'd be lucky to get any kind of girl at all.'

Wolf901 frowned. She wanted to tell Sheep208 that Yuri was a king, but refrained from doing so. Yuri had told everyone in the alternate world that the fact that he was a king was to be kept top-secret.

_('In my world,' he had explained, 'it is considered anti-democratic and evil to have a non-elected monarch. Neither I nor you lot have been elected in a government that is of the people, by the people, and for the people.' _

'_Whatever is that?' Gunter had asked._

'_It's a better system,' Yuri had explained.)_

_But democracy is just like the idea of germs and medicines_, Wolf901 decided, _absurd._

Sheep208 then suddenly insisted for a salary for having helped her so much.

'What do you want?' asked Wolf901, 'I'm filthy rich, so ask without hesitation.'

'I want that brand new nail-polish from_ Revlon,_' she replied, 'it costs -,'

'You shall have it,' replied Wolf901, handing her enough money to buy five of them, 'but tell me what the time is.'

'It's eight. Two more hours.' People who put all their concentration into painting their nails normally have no room left in their heads for math.

'I must run at once, my sheep!' cried Wolf901 and started to run towards Yuri's house. Sheep208 stood at her spot and decided that she wanted a new codename. Being called "my sheep" had not been a pleasant experience. Her new name would be BarbieDoll007.

Wolf901 had only been running for five minutes when she realized that she was lost.

She walked in circles for a whole hour. She bought another ice-cream to keep her company. Unfortunately, the ice-cream did not keep her company for long. She couldn't even ask for directions because it goes against a boy's ego to do so, and she was a boy.

And then, a ray of hope burst out of nowhere…a horse appeared.

'My dear horsie!' gasped Wolf901, 'however did you get here? I missed you so much! You can get me to Yuri's house – detect his scent and carry me there!'

The horse had much to say – that he, too, had gotten to earth through a lake. That he had not missed Wolfram one bit. That it was only cats and dogs – and that too, highly trained police dogs – that could detect scents and travel to the source of it. Oh, how the horse wished that someone took the leather straps out of his mouth so that he could give a decent reply.

'I shall sit on you now,' said Wolf901.

The horse had even more that he wished to say – that he did not appreciate Wolfram and those itchy pants (though technically, Wolfram was wearing a skirt at the present moment) on his back. That he was not a slave that could be used and kept in a shed, to be taken out according to the wish of those who claimed to be his masters. If one wanted his services…they would have to pay him for it! Then the horse decided that he would write a book about his miserable life. Yes, a book! It would become a bestseller at once. Wolfram would repent his sins, and the horse would be granted a lifetime supply of sugar-cubes. King Yuri would be terribly impressed with him and would grant him the position of Prime-Minister – yes, a Prime-Minister! Prime-Ministers don't get ridden on. They are respected and are fed at least three times a day – and not fed mish-mash made of straw and water – fed actual food...sugar cubes!

'Are you feeling all right?' Wolf901 asked the horse.

The horse neighed loudly. People on the street stared. Wolf901 took that as a compliment and smiled at the crowd, 'Yes, its mine! I own a horse!' Yuri had once said that people in his world did not own horses. At least, most of them didn't. Wolf901 was sure that she would be respected and admired for being able to ride one all by herself.

She got on the horse and said, 'To Yuri's house!'

The horse rode on to where his heart took him – to a spot five metres away – Yuri's house. He knew it was Yuri's house because of the moans and wails coming from inside it. 'Oh no!' went a typical wail, 'I don't like spinach. I'm allergic! Why won't you believe me? It's got tomatoes in it! I refuse to eat it! Why? Why? Why?'

'What an idiot I have been!' cried Wolf901.

The horse laughed inside himself. Yes, getting lost when your destination was staring at your face was a stupid…no…a condemnable act. The horse giggled inwardly for using such a big word. His vocabulary was improving. People would love his book!

'I have broken a nail!' continued Wolf901, 'what will Yuri think?'

The horse blinked. Once again, and for the five-thousandth time, he wondered why people paid their taxes.

'Take me to Yuri's house!' screeched Wolf901 bossily. It is very difficult to screech and to manage to do it bossily at the same time. But Wolf901 managed. It was evident that twenty years of training in the army had not been wasted.

The horse did what horses do instead of shrugging. I cannot use the exact word for it since it has not been defined in any human dictionary. In the language of horses, it is defined by neighing two high notes, a low note, and stamping the upper-left foot upon the ground. And then he took his boss to Yuri's house.

Wolf901 entered without knocking, walked into the kitchen, pulled out a chair, and sat down next to his fiancé.

'Hello,' said Yuri, searching every bit of space there was in his memory. When had he invited the blond girl over for dinner?

Yuri's brother was sitting at the opposite end of the small table. Wolf901 tried to remember his name. It had been something very meaningless and difficult to pronounce.

'Greetings,' said Wolf901.

'I see you've grown your hair,' replied Yuri's brother. He did not comment on the skirt and breasts.

'I ha -,'

But Wolf901 wasn't allowed to finish her sentence. Yuri was standing on his chair, flapping his arms and screaming, 'you know her?'

'Sometimes I don't understand you,' said Yuri's brother. He left the room.

There was silence for five minutes until Wolf901 spoke up.

'Where's mom?' she asked.

'She went out to dinner with my father,' sobbed Yuri, 'and they left me and Shori (_**A/N – I finally remembered his name!**_) all alone. And he made dinner, Shori did. He cooked spinach with tomatoes. I thought he'd make instant noodles or something - ,' tears fell out of poor Yuri's eyes, '- and the poor thing thinks he can actually cook! You should've been there when he tried to make macaroni and cheese – it was horrible! And now, he made spinach. He said that it was nutritious and had iron and that it would make my bones strong. But who puts tomatoes in spinach? Who? I'm sure it's terrible for one's health. Green and red are a terrible combination, both for the eyes and for the stomach…why is there a horse outside my window?'

'Such unimportant matters are all that you seem to want to discuss. Let's discuss my wonderful nails.'

But Yuri did not care to listen. 'A horse! Maybe I could feed him this spinach – ,' the tears on Yuri's eyes quickly dried up, 'Shori will obviously check the dustbins – he is ever so smart. Sometimes he can read minds!'

'Very impressive. But my nails! Oh no, I had forgotten that I had broken one!' Wolf901 (why is she still using this codename anyway?) quickly hid that finger under the table.

'Oh horsie!' Yuri called out.

Wolf901 hung her head and those shadow-like sunglasses that appear when anime cartoons are angry (how are sunglasses related to anger? How?) popped up in front of both of her eyes.

The horse barged into the house through the door. He was hoping for sugar cubes and was hence reduced to tears when he saw the tomato-spinach mixture waiting for him.

'Uh, I think the horse is crying,' said Yuri. He started to cry too.

'Don't be silly,' said Wolf901, 'horses don't cry.'

'Yes they do! Look at this horse, he's so sad! It must be this spinach that's doing this to him! I'll fetch him some sugar cubes.' Yuri went to a cupboard, opened it and wondered where the sugar cubes were. There was normal sugar in a nice pink box with little red roses at the edges. But no sugar cubes. Yuri decided that he would turn the sugar crystals into cubes by joining them with the help of cello-tape. Popularity among horses was something he enjoyed.

'I shall sacrifice all that I have for thy sake. Thy beautiful mane deserves the best. Oh horse! Accept the little gifts that I wish to shower upon thy greatness. I shall be greatly honoured if thee shall have the courtesy to eat my worthless offerings,' said Yuri. He then went inside to fetch some cello-tape.

'I barely have two hours left now,' Wolf901 told the horse.

And then, with infinite dramatic intensity, the phone rang.

Yuri had once told Wolfram and the rest how a phone was to be answered. Wolfram had never thought such information would come in handy.

_('A phone,' Yuri had explained, 'is a modern human device through which one can communicate through long distances.'_

'_No, no, your majesty, you must be confused,' Gunter had said, 'they are called pigeons. Ah! His highness is a little boy, who is always confused. That intensifies his greatness and superiority!'_

_Yuri had blushed, as Wolfram had sneeringly remarked, 'Well, your hair can be described as white, silver, grey, silvery-grey, silvery-white, transparent with no colour at all, purple, violet, lilac…I can go on forever!'_

_That cruel statement had reduced Gunter to tears. Big, fat ones._

_Yuri had pretended not to notice and had continued, 'You pick it up. You listen through the upper end, and talk through the other. The person on the other side does the exact same thing and your voices manage through reach each other through wires -,'_

'_Humans know magic!' Gunter had screamed. He had then fainted._

'_Childish imagination,' Gwendal had snorted. He then left the room in disgust muttering the words, 'Stupid king! He's only a child.' under his breath._

_Conrad…why, Conrad had just giggled._

'_Is this phone for real?' Wolfram had asked._

'_Would I lie to any of you?' Yuri had said, 'if you don't believe me, it means that you do not trust me.' Emotional blackmail!_

'_Of course we trust you,' Conrad had giggled – though in a manly way. How he manages it, we may never know.)_

Wolf901 hence understood the art of picking up a phone. It was exactly what she did.

She picked it up.

Nothing. No voice from the opposite end reached her ears. Yuri had obviously been misusing their trust to spread all sorts of lies.

'Stupid Yuri!' yelled Wolf901.

'Hello?' said a voice on the other end. A girl's voice.

Wolf901 nearly dropped the phone out of shock. So Yuri hadn't lied? Phones did exist! Whoever could've thought of such a possibility? She quickly picked it back up and put it against her ear.

The voice continued to speak. 'Hey, Mrs. Yuri's mum, or Ms. Yuri's sister, or guy with an unbroken voice, whose voice is unbroken probably because he hasn't hit puberty, or whoever you are, can I talk to Yuri?'

'Who are you?'

'I'm, like, from his school. I think he accidentally took my notebook, cuz he, like, came to my desk today -,' Wolf901 could hear the sound of a bubble bursting at the other end, and assumed that it was bubble-gum. Yuri had gifted him one on his birthday and had taught him how to make bubbles with it using his tongue. He had told him that it had cost a fortune and was really rare (though the fruity taste had vanished in under ten minutes), '- and now my notebook's gone. So can I talk to him?'

'Why would he come to your desk?' demanded Wolf901.

'He wanted to take a good look at my nail-polish.'

Wolf901 dropped the phone a second time! She recognized the voice. It all became clear at once. How could she have been so blind? Why had she been stupid enough to trust Yuri?

The way Sheep206 (or was it 208?, thought Wolf901.) was both surprised and angry when she had realized that Yuri was Wolfram's fiancé, the way she had waved at him in the park, the way Yuri had commented on her nail-polish…and Murata the sage's words! He had said that Yuri had liked the nail-polish girl! And the phone-call! She obviously wanted to have a heart-to-heart lover's chat! She had said that he had taken her notebook as an excuse to talk to him, so that his mother wouldn't come to know of their secret love. They were obviously having an affair. Yuri had done his best to hide it…but he had failed miserably. Wolfram's inquisitive mind had discovered everything! How could Yuri have expected that his own fiancé would never find out?

'You bitch!' Wolf901 yelled into the phone (after picking it up from the floor for the second time). She then hung up in the cruellest (and only) way that she had ever hung up or was ever going to hang up.

Yuri entered the room again. His eyes were red and puffy, like he had been crying. But then, he had been crying.

He looked up and his eyes met Wolf901's. There was only one possible thing he could say.

'There's no cello-tape in the house. I think I had used all of it when I was trying to discover whether sticking it all over my mouth would really make me shut up. My teacher had said that it would've. She had told me to stick cello-tape on my mouth and to shut up so that I could pay attention in class. She was wrong…and now how am I going to feed the horse?'

He sat down on the cold, hard floor and cried some more. Wolf901 didn't say anything. Her eyes, too, were red and her hands were curled up into angry fists.

After five minutes, Yuri had the strength to stand up. He then noticed that he horse had his mouth in the sugar-container and would not need cello-tape. Yuri smiled.

'I am saved,' he said, 'the horse is happy. Hence I am happy.'

'Why you!' howled Wolf901.

'Now that I have recovered, I wish to enquire of you whether the phone rang. I heard it ring - but sometimes my ears ring for no reason - and I could, of course, be mistaken. If the phone did ring, however, did you pick it up? It is considered rude to pick up a phone while in another's home. Bad manners.'

'I did pick it up.'

'Who was it?'

'It was for you.'

'Goodness gracious! Why, I must be getting popular.'

'It was a girl.'

'Goodness gracious! I must be getting popular with the girls!'

Wolf901 hit him across the face for it - not in the "marriage-proposal" way, but in the "I am angry at you and I hate you and I shall never talk to you again" way.

'What was that for?' Yuri bawled.

'It was your girlfriend!'

'Goodness gra-,'

'Stop using those words again and again! They scar my ears, oh yes they do!'

'What words?'

'"Goodness gracious".'

'Okay, fine. I was trying to improve my speaking skills. One of my teachers said that I am very unsophisticated and that I should act more gentlemanly. I was using fine words.'

'So "gentlemanly" means you walk around making girlfriends?'

'No, but, look - there's a ring on the floor!'

'I believe that is mine. It must've fallen off.' Saying this Wolf901 bent down to pick up the ring. She was still picking it up when Shori entered the room. She was still on her knees when she looked up with the ring in her hand.

There was a huge "thud" sound and a shriek. Yuri had jumped outside through a window.

'What was that for?' Wolf901 asked Shori.

'I think,' said Shori, his voice devoid of any emotion, 'that you have performed an earthborn-custom of proposing marriage.'

Wolf901 got up.

'What a stupid system,' she said, 'it makes no sense!'

_**A/N – Whatever happened to my sense of humour? Oh, well, review, and you may tell me if you spot mistakes, because I won't mind. If you do review, I promise to read and review at least one of your stories in return. How's that for a bargain? **_


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